The Generals:
So, this is the page where I'll be publishing everyone's Generals (on their way to becoming legends, obviously).
Matt Wells:
First banner: Soddit's Mushroom Extravaganza PLC
General: Soddit the Unprincipled, a Night Goblin Warboss with Warboss Umm's Best Big Boss 'At, Guzzla's Backbone Brew, Wallopa's Wun-Hit Wunda and light armour.
Soddit the Unprincipled was just plain old Soddit before he found his hat in the treaure hoard of a particularly enormous Squig. Having managed to escape from said beast with the aid of his enormous prodder and a large book of innuendoes, he found that this was no ordinary hat, but one which whispered forbidden knowledge into his ears day and night. "Sales margins", "relationship marketing" and "venture capitalism", all were dark secrets which Soddit learned. Upon taking control of his tribe (defeating the previous Warboss, Keanz, using really cutthroat methods including a very sharp knife) he declared they were going on a crusade, a crusade that would pile the wealth of all nations at his feet. His plan was to do this by selling mushrooms for a great profit, establishing a monopoly by aggressively combating competitors (literally, with an army in tow) and, if possible, taking back any mushrooms they had sold at the end of a very sharp stick...
Dean Mellors:
First Banner:
General: Calion Darkbriar, a Level 2 Spellweaver with the Deepwood Sphere
Calion looked out across the rise, over the treetops down into the Vale and beyond. The morning sun warmed his skin, a breeze stirred his hair bringing smells of spring, warm air with a hint of rain. Calion pushed forth his sight to beyond the Vale. Deer herds grazed on new grass, great Stags overlooked their Does, protecting them. Further he pushed his sight on the the plains, small farmsteads here and there, smoke rising from blacksmith's forges, from north to south no more than a dozen but still he pushed forth. A mine far away, dwarves most likely, plundering the earth of her jewels. A town shimmering in the heat haze, many races living so close the air stank with the waste of hundreds. Still he pushed, harder, further, till the earth dropped down, curving down....there....a stain, a mark left on the earth. He followed it slowly winding, taking what it needed, feeding, consuming all that it touched. A dark line stretched over leagues, banners touched by the wind, a glint of steel in the sun. Something pulled at him, dragging him back to quickly, almost knocking him from his feet, staggering as nausea washed over him. As he gathered himself he saw the Deepwood Shere, an ancient relic bound to him stir, deep red....blood red within the black grow...swirl. War was coming.
Matt Snow:
First Banner:
General:
"Whats my name?"
No matter, thought the old man as he stared into the innkeepers slick entrails as they lay on the floor of the main room of the inn.
He stirred the innkeepers entrails with the butt of his staff and knew the visions would start soon. It was always the same, his mothers stories about Kemmler, seeing Kemmler and riding the Tinman at La Maisontaal Abbey, watching his comrades die one by one . The boy who was a follower of Morr , yes he had become a powerful ally, in life and undeath. A wight. He had killed everyone in the inn.
What was his name ?
The old man had forgotten. How long had it been, a decade, a century, a millennia?
The old man gazed upon the entrails, looking through them .
He saw an island in a lake surrounded by trees . The book was there .
The old man rose to his feet , his vision at an end . As he did so , the dead patrons of the inn did the same .
"Freidrich Gustav," he said aloud. "That is my name." A smile crossed the old mans face.
Rachel Child:
First Banner:
General: Prince Iaret
Peter Taylor:
First Banner:
General: Dwaddle Dwelf, a Dwarf Lord with shield, Master Rune of Smiting, two Runes of Iron and a Rune of Stone
Mike Woolley:
First Banner:
General: Uncle Abraham, Ogre Tyrant with Jade Lion, Wyrdstone Necklace, Mawseeker, heavy armour and ironfist
In all the Ogre tribes that live east of the Mountains of Mourn there is only one that practices a democracy. Whilst other tribes are ruled by the mightiest Ogre, a tyrant who rules with a (sometimes literal) iron fist, the USO (United State of Ogredom) tribe elects its ruler from among a broad candidacy of Ogres through the process of one man, one vote- that is, the biggest and nastiest Ogre is the Man, and he gets the Vote. This progressive tribe has, in recent years, followed a very aggressive foreign policy, united by a very robust constitution and an enormous appetite...
Adam Lake
First Banner:
General: Prophetess of the Lady
Level 4 (Lore of Heavens); Warhorse; Holy Icon; Staff of Sorcery
Dan Ford
First Banner:
General: Pixilotl, 4th Generation Slann Mage Lord with Power Stone, Plaque of Dominion and Plaque of Tepok
Carl Kennard:
First Banner:
General: Elric von Schultz, White Wolf Templar Grand Master
Douglas Price:
First Banner:
General: Prince Stormthar, Prince on Dragon with Dragon Armour, Great Weapon, Vambraces of Defence
Sunday, 31 July 2016
The Map
This is the map so far, at the start of proceedings (so far without Rob and Adam's armies having joined but we will rectify that soon enough). Sorry for the poor quality but I'm a terrible photographer, hopefully this will let you zoom in:
As a quick guide to the colours:
Carl (Empire) is blue
Dean (Wood Elves) is green
Matt Wells (Goblins) is pink
Matt Snow (Vampire Counts) is white
Mike (Ogres) is red
Rachel (Tomb Kings) is yellow
Dan (Lizardmen) is silver
Pete (Dwarves) is silver-blue
So yeah, let the campaign begin (almost once the admin's done)!
Carl (Empire) is blue
Dean (Wood Elves) is green
Matt Wells (Goblins) is pink
Matt Snow (Vampire Counts) is white
Mike (Ogres) is red
Rachel (Tomb Kings) is yellow
Dan (Lizardmen) is silver
Pete (Dwarves) is silver-blue
So yeah, let the campaign begin (almost once the admin's done)!
The Participants
So, as of now, we have 11 people taking part:
Dean Mellors: Wood Elves
Rachel Child: Tomb Kings
Dan Ford: Lizardmen
Carl Kennard: Empire
Matt Snow: Vampire Counts
Adam Lake: Dark Elves
Peter Taylor: Dwarfs
Michael Woolley: Ogre Kingdoms
Matt Wells: Goblins
Rob Smith: Dogs of War
Douglas Price: High Elves
Sunday, 24 July 2016
Special Map Sections
Special Map Sections
1)
Crater of Wailing Dead
2)
The Tainted Peaks
3)
Temple of Skulls
4)
Karak Varn
5)
Lake of Lost Souls
The special scenarios below are used for battles taking place in these Special Map Sections. Players also gain benefits for holding these territories, as noted in each description.
Crater of Wailing
Dead
Deep in the range of mountains known as the Devil’s
Backbone, there lies a great cleft in the earth through which spews great
clouds of broiling steam and wreathes of rolling fog. Locals whisper that souls
who venture into these clouds never return, but that on the darkest of nights
their voices can be heard calling others to join them…
Scenario: The Wailing
Dead
Benefit: At the
very bottom of the crater the Banner discovers a weirdly glowing amulet which
wails and moans. This counts as a magic Talisman which may be given to any Hero
character for free. It contains a one use only Bound spell (power level 4) with
a range of 24”which may target any unengaged enemy unit. This does not need
line of sight. The unit hit must take an immediate Panic test.
Set up: Armies deploy in the same manner as a Pitched
Battle.
Who goes first?: Each player rolls a D6, the highest scorer
goes first. The player who finished deploying first adds +1 to the roll.
Length of Game: The game lasts for six turns.
Victory Conditions: Use the Victory points table in the
Warhammer rulebook (pg. 198). Victory points are not awarded for Table Quarters
and captured Standards in this scenario.
Special Rules: Shrouded in Mist: The battlefield is wreathed
in eerie mists which whisper words of doubt to the troops within. All units
suffer -1 Ld (units Immune to Psychology are immune to this rule). In addition
units can only see up to 24” across the battlefield.
The Wailing Dead: Before deployment, one Banshee should be
placed in the centre of each board quarter. These Banshees, in effect, count as
a separate army- they will go first (so, the turn sequence will go Banshee Turn
1, Player A turn 1, Player B turn 1, Banshee turn 2 etc). Each Banshee moves 4”
per turn in the direction indicated by the roll of a Scatter dice; if they end
their move within 8” of a unit they will unleash their Ghostly Howl attack (if
there is more than one unit within 8” they will target the closest unit).
Banshee
M
|
WS
|
BS
|
S
|
T
|
W
|
I
|
A
|
Ld
|
4
|
3
|
3
|
3
|
3
|
2
|
4
|
2
|
8
|
Unit Size: 1
Special Rules: Undead, Ethereal, Ghostly Howl: This is a
Shooting attack with a range of 8" which hits automatically, does not
require Line of Sight, and may be used in Close Combat. Roll 2d6, add 2, and
subtract the target unit’s Leadership. The result is the number of Wounds the
unit suffers, with no armour save allowed.
The Tainted Peaks:
Legends say this great mountain was created after a dispute
between Tzeentch and Slaanesh, each god throwing missiles of warpstone across
the mountains at each other. Large chunks of warpstone protrude from its
surface even today, promising great wealth and power for those prepared to take
the risk…
Benefit: The
player who controls the Tainted Peaks may give a free PowernStonento any one
wizard per Campaign turn.
Scenario: The Tainted Peaks
Deployment: The board is divided into four quarters and
players roll off to see who deploys first. The player who wins the roll chooses
one quarter, the other player deploys in the opposite quarter. Units may deploy
up to 30” from the corner of their table quarter and no closer than 24” from
opposing units.
Terrain: Choose terrain as normal. In addition, one
Warpstone Outcrop should be placed in each 8th of the table. Divide
the table into 8 equal sections and place an Outcrop in the centre of each,
then scatter each Outcrop using a Scatter dice (each Outcrop scatters d6
inches, and does not scatter if the Scatter dice roll is a Hit).
First turn: The player who finishes deploying first gains +1
to the roll for the first turn.
Game length: The game lasts for 6 turns.
Victory Conditions: Victory points are calculated as normal,
with the exception of those given for
Table Quarters. Instead the board should
be divided into 8 equal sections, with units given 100 VPs for controlling one
of these at the end of the game.
Special Rules: Warpstone Outcrops: Warpstone protrudes
through the surface of the Tainted Peaks, corrupting everything nearby with
their raw Chaos power. Any unit within 3” of a Warpstone Outcrop at the start
of its turn suffers D3 S3 hits with no armour save allowed. In addition, any
Wizards within 3” of a Warpstone Outcrop during their Magic phase may add two
extra Power dice to their pool, but if they Miscast within 3” of a Warpstone
Outcrop they suffer d6 S3 hits with no Armour save allowed in addition to other
effects.
Temple of Skulls
The tribes of the Southlands tell of a temple deep within
the jungles, erected to gods whose worshippers have long since passed. It is
said that some of their evil conscience lives on, seeking to lure unwary
travellers and add their blood to its essence…
Benefit: The controlling player’s army finds a
bloodstained banner draped over the Temple’s altar. This may be given to one
unit as a Magic Banner for free. The banner allows a unit to pursue and Overrun
an extra d6 inches.
Scenario: Temple
of Skulls
Set up: Divide the board into quarters, as below. Each
player should roll a D6; the highest roller may choose two diagonally opposite
quarters (eg Zone A and D, or B and C) with their opponent taking the other two
quarters. Players should roll a D6 for each unit; on a 1-3 they must be
deployed in Zone A or B (whichever applies), no more than 12” from the long
board edge and no more than 24” from the short board edge), on a 4-6 in Zone C
or D (applying the same rules).
Zone A
|
Zone B
|
Zone C
|
Zone D
|
Terrain: Jungle. A building representing the Temple of
Skulls should be placed in the centre of the board.
Who goes first?: Roll a D6; the player who rolls the highest
gets the first turn. The defender may add +1 to the roll (their troops have had
more time to find their way around the jungle…)
Victory Conditions: Victory Points are awarded as normal. In
addition, the player who has a unit closest to the Temple of Skulls at the end
of the game gains an additional 500 Victory Points. If both players have units
equidistant to the Temple, the side with the highest Unit Strength gets the
Victory Points. If unit strengths are equal, no-one gets the Victory Points. So
there.
Length of Game: 6 turns.
Special Rules: Temple of Skulls: Any unit within 6” of the
Temple of Skulls must declare a charge if able to do so, must always Overrun if
able, and must always Pursue if able; in addition, they count as Stubborn.
Karak Varn
Karak Varn, the legendary lost hold and gromril mines of the
Dwarfs, looms large in its races cultural memory- and would be a mighty prize
for an invading army to capture. Small Dwarven expeditions periodically venture
forth, some even managing to gain a foothold for a short time, but before long
the twisted creatures infesting the former fortress reclaim their homes.
Benefit: The
controlling player may use the scattered catacombs beneath the Hold to allow
one Core unit of less than 100pts value to Scout in any battle fought in
Mountain territory.
Scenario: The scenario to be played in Karak Varn is
identical to the Battle of the Burned Banner scenario in the Warhammer
rulebook, with the following Forgotten Traps special rule.
Forgotten Traps: The Dwarfs of old built many ingenious
traps in and around Karak Varn in the days of yore to defend it from its
enemies, many of which still work after a fashion. At the start of each
player’s turn, they should roll a D6; on a roll of 1, one of their units has
triggered a long-lost trap. One randomly determined unit in their army suffers
d6 S5 hits and may move only at half rate for that turn only.
Lake of Lost Souls
The Lake of Lost Souls has long been shunned by the local
populace, the malignant sense of evil hanging over it warding off any who are
tempted to risk its waters. Yet now, as a new island has risen in the centre of
the lake, armies are gathering to do just that. Rumour has it that, at the very
centre of the island, lies a great golden crown which bestows upon its wearer
godlike powers…
Benefit: The
controlling player finds the Crown of Power at the centre of the island, a
circlet of blackened gold that whispers secrets into its wearer’s ear.
Scenario: Assault on the
Island
Deployment: The board is set up as below. The Attacker
places their Rafts in their deployment zone.
The Defender should split their
army into 3 groups with an equal number of units in each group (each character
counts as a unit in its own right). A number from 1-3 should be attached to
each and a D3 rolled. The group whose number matches the D3 roll is then
deployed in the Defender’s deployment zone. The other groups are defending
other parts of the Island’s coastline and will join the battle later as below.
Island of Lost Souls (Defender
Deployment area)
72” by 12”
|
Lake of Lost Souls
72” by 24”
|
Attacker Deployment Area
72” by 12”
|
Terrain: The lake may have one or two rocks jutting from the
surface (otherwise, it is water, obviously). The island itself may have a few
forests.
Game length: The game lasts 6 turns.
First turn: The attacker gets the first turn.
Victory conditions: The Attackers are trying to break
through onto the island, the defenders are trying to stop them. Calculate
Victory Points as normal (no Victory points are gained through controlling
Table Quarters). In addition the Attacker gains an extra 150 Victory Points for
each of their units with a unit strength of at least 10 who are present on the
island at the end of the game.
Special Rules: Reinforcements: At the start of the second
turn, the Defender may roll a D6 for each group of their army not deployed at
the start of the game. On a 4+ the group may move onto the board from the
Defender’s board edge, counting as if it had pursued an enemy off the board in
the last turn. Keep rolling in subsequent turns, adding +1 to the roll each
time (ie on the third turn the group will arrive on a 3+, then a 2+,
automatically on the fifth turn).
Rafts:
In order to assault the Island of Lost Souls, armies must
construct rafts to cross the lake.
The Attacker has a number of Rafts equal to the number of
units in their army. The Defender may purchase up to three Rafts for 30pts a
model.
Rafts may carry ONE unit (plus any attached characters).
They move d6 inches, plus a further 2 inches per 5 models on the raft;
otherwise treat them as normal units (with front, flank and rear arcs, etc). Rafts
ALWAYS move the d6 inches, but do not have to move the additional 2” per 5
models if they do not wish.
Missile troops may fire from rafts as normal (they never
count as marching, but always count as moving so will be at -1 to Hit). War
machines may also fire from rafts; those using BS to hit suffer -1 to Hit,
those using Scatter dice Scatter a further d6”, and those such as Cannons roll
an extra D6 when they fire; if the roll is a 1-3, subtract d6” from the guessed
range; if a 4-6, add d6” to the guessed range. Wizards may cast spells as
normal from Rafts.
Units on Rafts are Immune to Psychology. The exception to
this are Stupid units, who, if they fail their Stupidity tests, may not add any
inches to their Move. Animosity also affects units on rafts; rolls of 1 on the
animosity table means the Raft must move towards the closest friendly raft (or
shoot a the unit upon it as per the usual rules); rolls of 2-5 mean the raft
only moves d6” and may not add inches for extra models; a roll of 6 adds an
extra D6” worth of Move to the raft.
Units on Rafts do not declare charges but if they contact an
enemy Raft in their Movement phase they count as charging. Combat is worked out
as normal (with the Charged raft gaining +1 combat resolution for High Ground
as the attackers try and board). Units do not Flee if they fail a Break test,
but instead lose a further model for every point they lost the combat by as
warriors are pushed into the lake and drown. This is in addition to models lost
due to the Undead or Daemonic Instability rules.
Once a Raft hits land, the unit upon it is free to act as
normal, counting as being on open terrain.
Rafts have a Toughness of 5 and 5 Wounds. They may be
targeted by shooting; if so, roll a D6 for each hit, on a 4+ they hit the raft,
on a 1-3 they hit the unit on the raft.
If a Raft is destroyed, the unit on board is pitched into
the lake and begins to Swim. Swimming units move 2d3” a turn and operate as
Skirmishers. War Machines pitched into the lake are lost, though the crew may
Swim as normal. Chariots are also lost if forced to Swim.
At the start of each turn roll a D6 on the Swimming table
below for each Swimming unit.
Swimming table:
1-
The unit loses d6 models.
If the unit’s Armour
save is 4+ or better they lose D6+2 models instead.
2-3 The unit loses D3 models.
If
the unit’s Armour Save is 4+ or better they lose D3+1 models instead.
4-5- The unit loses D3-1 models.
If the unit’s Armour Save is 4+or better they lose D3 models instead.
6- The unit loses no models.
If a unit on a Raft contacts a Swimming unit they count as
charging and having the High Ground (+1 Combat resolution). In addition, the
Swimming unit hits only on 6s. If the Swimming unit wipes out the unit on the
Raft they may board the raft and no longer count as Swimming.
Campaign Rules
Starting
Each player will draw lots and then take turns to select an
HQ territory- this will be one territory on the edge of the map, AT LEAST two
territories away from any other player’s HQ. They will then place one Banner in
this HQ territory.
Banners
Each realm supports a large standing army broken up into
various fighting forces. A Banner represents one of these forces as it marches
to expand the realm’s territory.
Each player begins with one Banner. As long as they have at
least one territory left, they will also have one Banner. Players may gain
additional Banners by taking control of more territories; for every three
territories a player controls, they gain an additional Banner. If ever a player
does not have enough Territory to support all of its Banners, they will lose
the surplus Banners. For example, Player A has nine territories and so has four
Banners (their starting Banner and one additional Banner per three
territories). He loses a territory to player B, and now does not have enough territories
to support all four Banners (having only 11); therefore, he loses a Banner.
Banners each contain/ represent a 2,250 points army (this
may be increased by Fortifications and/ or Supporting Banners, as below).
Banners do not have fixed units, so army lists may be changed from game to
game; however, each banner must have a General assigned to them. The General is
a character chosen from the relevant Army Book (a Hero or Lord); they must be
generated at the same time as a new Banner, must always be chosen when that
Banner fights a battle, and must always choose the same options and Magic
Items. They are always the same General, whichever troops have been drafted
into their Army!
Also, these Generals must be unique within a player’s
Empire. This means that no General may take the same Magic Items as another
General within the same Banner, save for Common Magic Items. You can’t, for
example, have two Black Orc Warbosses with the Battleaxe of the Last Waaagh!
leading two separate banners; no-one can be in two places at once!
Both Banners and Generals should be given names- it is a
campaign, after all, and Wurzog’s Magnificent Manglers sounds a lot better than
Banner A…
If a player has no territories at all left at the end of a
campaign turn, they are eliminated from the campaign.
Campaign Turns:
Play is divided into Campaign Turns during which players can
move their Banners around the map. When opposing Banners meet, a battle is
fought (this will always be a Pitched Battle unless the territory fought over
is one of the Special Map Sections listed below).
Each campaign turn is organised into the following phases:
11)
Write Orders
22)
Execute orders
33)
Fight Battles
44)
Retreat/Scatter
55)
End of Turn
Write and Execute
Orders
Each banner can be given one of the following Orders per
campaign turn:
Raze and Hold
Raze and Move
Move
Fortify
Recover
Hold
Raze
Your troops rampage across the territory, burning crops and
looting villages. The territory Razed does not count towards generating
additional Banners. This may also have additional effects on Special
territories, as explained in their description.
After a Banner has Razed a territory, it may Hold, or
attempt to Move- roll a D6. On a 3+ the Banner may move to an adjacent
territory, but on a 1-2 it may not move this turn.
Move
Banners may move into ONE adjacent territory per turn. Depending
on the territory, this may prove more difficult.
Forest, Passes and
Plains territories allow movement as normal.
Marshes, Mountains and Jungles count as Difficult Terrain;
when moving into these territories, a Banner must roll a D6. On a 1-2, they
cannot find a way through and so count as having received Hold orders instead.
River sections are Difficult Terrain if a Banner is trying
to cross them (unless there is a Bridge such as the Bone Bridge), but if the
Banner is moving up/down river without crossing it, they allow a Forced March
move. The Banner should roll a D6; on a 4-6, they may move twice instead of
once; on a 2-3 they may only move once; on a 1 they count as having Hold orders
instead (the troops flatly refusing to put the extra effort in).
Special Map sections
count as Plains sections unless otherwise noted.
If a Banner moves into a territory containing another Banner
a battle is fought. The winner gains control of that territory and the loser is
forced to Retreat as below.
Moves are performed simultaneously.
Don’t Pass in the
Night: As moves are made simultaneously, it can be the case that banners
essentially “swap” places- each Banner moving into the territory formerly occupied
by an enemy Banner. Obviously it is unlikely this would happen peacefully, so
if this situation arises both players should roll a D6. Whoever rolls highest
moves their Banner into the desired territory and a battle is fought in that
territory. If the highest-rolling player fails a Difficult Terrain test whilst
doing this, however, the Banner does not move and the lower-rolling player
instead moves their banner into the higher-scoring player’s territory, a battle
being fought for control of this territory instead. If both players fail
Difficult Terrain test no Banners move and no battle is fought.
Living off the Land: No
Territory may hold more than one Banner.
Hold
The Banner does not move.
Fortify
The Banner holds position and fortifies the immediate area.
Mark the territory as Fortified. The Banner remains where it is and may add
200pts worth of troops if bought to battle. If the Banner moves or the
territory is captured by another player, the territory is no longer Fortified.
A territory may only be fortified once.
Recover
Banners in a Razed area
may attempt to Recover them, rebuilding destroyed settlements and replanting
crops. The Razed territory no longer
counts as Razed and so may be
fortified and contributes towards the generation and upkeeps of Banners.
Banners may not Recover if they are
bought to battle.
Battles
All battles fought are Pitched
Battles, with the exception of those fought in Special Map sections, which
are fought using their own specific scenarios. Battles are fought when two
opposing Banners are placed in the same territory. The winner of the battle
gains control of the territory; the loser is forced to retreat into an adjacent
territory which they control. If the result of the battle is a Massacre, or the
losing Banner has no territory into which to retreat, the losing Banner does
not retreat but instead Scatters, to be placed in its own HQ territory at the
start of the next Campaign turn. If the battle is a draw both Banners must
retreat as above; if the territory was previously neutral it remains so, if
controlled by one of the players it remains under that player’s control.
Banners may be supported by other Banners under the same
player’s control. A Banner may increase its points value by 200pts for every
adjacent Banner controlled by the same player and not fighting a battle this
turn itself. This can be combined with Fortification bonuses.
The Campaign will last for 16 Campaign turns (unless
everyone gets really bored with it, obviously).
The winner at the end of the campaign will be the player who
has gained the most Influence points. Influence Points are themselves gained
through controlling territories. Each territory is worth 1 Influence Point;
Special Map Sections are worth 5 Influence Points; and the Lake of Lost Souls
is worth 10 Influence Points.
The Story Begins
The Story Begins...
Thorri floated through words trailing in the air, through
whispers tugging at his clothes, through flickering segments of light
rearranging themselves so past that they were nothing and everything all at
once…
“Oh, bugger, not again…” he groaned.
He landed on something soft, which squelched as he rose to
his feet. He didn’t really want to look down to see what it was, but he was
getting a feeling of… pink. The walls of… wherever the hell he was were fleshy,
moving as if alive, with crawling patterns of red and blue and gold snaking up
them- or, he supposed, down them, depending on your point of view. Several of
the patterns had formed themselves into strange words, which read: The End Times...
The shadows were going to come next, Thorri thought. Just
like last time. For once, why can’t I dream about pliant maidens and beer?
The first shadow coalesced behind him and whispered a name
into his ear. He whirled around, and the second shadow appeared at his shoulder
and whispered another name; then a third shadow, a fourth, a fifth…
“Why… Aelfs…” His voice was strangled, muffled as if into a
pillow.
Copyright issues… came
the next whisper. Thorri felt like crying.
Then he was falling. The floor disappeared, leaving
emptiness behind. Everything was dark, black, there was no light, no feeling,
no heat…
And the voices came on, stronger now, both sonorous and
gibbering at the same paradoxical time.
Dwarves using magic…
Karl-Franz becomes Sigmar for some reason…
Malekith was the rightful king all along…
“No,” he murmured. “That’s destroyed years of backstory, no,
it can’t..”
Visions flashed before his eyes. A grinning circle of men
surrounded a terrified Bretonnian knight, unhindered manhoods standing proud. A
stone edifice of the words “Balance”, “Community” and
“Integrity” crumbled to
dust in the wind. Gold-armoured warriors with hammers and lightning bolts
emblazoned on their chests stood on round bases. A capering sales executive
danced on a pile of prostitutes and money as a scrawny games designer shook his
head sadly and left the room. There was the faint whiff of cheese and armpit
sweat.
“Age of Sigmar…” he whispered. “Oh, the horror, the horror…”
He woke up with a hand shaking his shoulder and Lars
Bjornissibling’s face staring into his.
“You were having that dream again,” his friend told him
roughly, eyes sympathetic over her beard*.
“The one where the executives
destroy the entire world and replace it with… whatever the hell Age of Sigmar
is.” She scowled. “Sounds very Human to me.”
“A dream…” Thorri muttered. “It all seemed so real…”
“Nope, just a dream.” Lars stood and sniffed at the state of
Thorri’s room. “This needs tidying up,” she said. “So we can start from a clean
slate, so to speak.”
She was lucky that the floor was actually constructed from
slate, Thorri thought, otherwise that turn of phrase wouldn’t have worked. But
it was, so it did.
“Anyway, we’re going on campaign now, so get moving. It’s
our sixth campaign,” Lars continued.
“The sixth edition of our war, if you
like. War fought with hammers.” She lifted her hammer up to demonstrate. The
phrasing sounded odd and clunky to Thorri, but after the nightmare he’d had, he
didn’t feel like pressing the matter. And nor should you.
“Where are we going this time?”
“I’m glad you asked,” Lars said, though Thorri was not sure
why. Lars raised her hand high into the
air. “We’re off to the area around
Karak Varn- you know, the ancient lost dwarven hold at the end of the World’s
Edge Mountains bordering the Southlands and old Nehekhara-“
“Every Dwarf child knows that story, you didn’t have to
explain it to me, especially in that odd stance.” Thorri said. Lars put her
hand down.
“As I was saying in my former stance- my ex-position, if you
will,” she continued, pouting slightly, “there’s a new island that seems to
have risen in the middle of the largest lake down that way. The Lake of Lost
Souls, they’re calling it, something to do with ancient chanting ghosts. And
treasure. Lots of treasure.”
“Sounds like it could be fun,” Thorri admitted. “We’re the
only ones who’ve heard of it, right?”
“Nope. Lots of different armies are rushing over there now,
trying to stake some territory claims, I’d imagine. Can’t imagine what a map of
the area would look like now, but-“
“Yes,” Thorri said, cutting her off. If you got her talking
about maps, she’d never shut up, he knew from personal experience. He picked up
his axe from its resting place under a pile of dirty underwear and stood up.
“When are we off, then?”
“Now.” Lars tossed Thorri his helmet. “We wanted to leave before
that cheese peddler comes along and ruins everything.”
“Cheese peddler?” Thorri asked, before his memory kicked
into gear. “Oh, hang on, I remember.
Long hair, silly beard, mad glint in his
eye. What’s his name again, Mark, Martin… Matt, that’s it. Matt…”
“Ward.” Lars said, and sighed.
*Well, it’s like this… Dwarf men and dwarf women are
virtually indistinguishable, differing anatomically only in one real area which
is often concealed beneath at least ten layers of chainmail. This has obvious
implications when it comes to meeting a potential mate; dwarf courting is more
often than not a question of alcohol and hope.
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